The Lost Art of Listening
E.W.’s grandmothers: Elizabeth Feather Dooley (left) and Ruth Atwell Tibbs (right)
By E.W. Tibbs
Sometimes it is hard to appreciate the beauty of the journey. Reflection and memories often bring the most impactful and enduring lessons. Role models play such a critical role in our lives. Two of my role models were my grandmothers. Ruth Atwell Tibbs, or as I knew her “Mamaw,” and Elizabeth Feather Dooley, or as I knew her “Granny Berry,” were incredible women. They could fix anything that seemed to be off in the world by simply listening. I seldom remember an immediate response to any of the scenarios in which I observed them to listen very carefully. Reflecting on the memories of Mamaw and Granny Berry brought me to several observations that I wish to share with you.
It was crystal clear that both my grandmothers were listening carefully with their ears (sense of hearing for the verbal component), eyes (sense of sight for many of the non-verbals), hearts with only the desire to understand and serve, and ultimately with their souls to gain and share selfless wisdom. Differently stated, it was clear that neither of them was focused on or worried about what their response should be, or if they even needed a response because they were fully and selflessly invested in the person or people they were listening to.
As I look around our world today, there are plenty of ways to make improvements. I am certainly no exception and am striving to simply be a better person today than I was the day before. Political, economic, social, and many other sources of unrest dominate our society, main-stream and social media. While no one solution brings a magic fix, the key to beginning and sustaining a state of improvement is listening.
In honor of my grandmothers, I have committed myself to become the best listener I can possibly be. To do so, I am committing to these simple steps:
Listen attentively to every person without allowing myself to begin crafting a response.
Use my ears to hear and take in all the verbal clues (pattern, pace and intensity of speech).
Use my eyes to take in all the non-verbals (facial expressions and body language).
Use my heart to seek overall understanding of the person or people I am listening to.
Use my soul to gain as much wisdom as possible, especially as it relates to individuals or groups with differing opinions or ideas.
Use my soul to know when to share wisdom and more importantly show wisdom by simply honoring what has been shared by reflecting quietly with the person who has vulnerably shared their thoughts and ideas.
I am confident that Mawaw and Granny Berry are smiling down from Heaven today as they are watching me put this article together. I hope that you will join me in committing to be the best listener that you can be and that improvement takes you to even greater success and joy in your personal and professional lives.